Never say I love you if you really don't
care. Never talk about feelings if they
aren't really there. Never hold my hand if
you are going to break my heart. Never say
you are going to if you don't plan to start.
Never look into my eyes if all you do is lie.
Never say hello if you really mean good bye.
If you really mean forever Then say you will try.
Never say forever because forever makes me cry.

I'm back and my body is still adjusting form the flight and time changes. We left la at 11:15at night and arrived at 7:00am the next day. So i was supposed to sleep on the planbe but that was hard, cuz i didnt feel totally comfortable witha stranger next to me. Me and steph sat together and she seemed to sleep more... I dont think any of us got the sleep we really needed that night. But theni came home and visited with my mom a little bit. Then crashed till 5:00pm Then hung out for dinner then went to bed again at 9 and slept in till 2:00pm the next day!!!!!! I'm soo confussed and dont know what day it is!!! LOL I think tuesday!!!????

Well the trip was awesome,i saw things no-one ever wants to see and witnessed many mirricles!!! I'll tell ya more about it when i get some actual evidence of peopel reading this!

The computer upstairs is having a teenage rebelion. So i have to come downstairs where its cold and have to do this when my dads not using it. anyways...
This week was better... as far as crying... i didnt cry alot. I worked monday-saturday alot. thurs. and friday i worked worked 11 hours a day. Then worked from 8-5 on saturday after all that!

THe old  happy fun outgoing girl is back!!!!
Okay so last nighti was way moody and upset! But then my Daddy took me to ruby tuesdays and i got the salad bar and an appetizer. I got to eat buffalo wings, shrimp, and chicken strips : ) The cool thing is the lady only charged us for the kids salad cuz we only got one plate!!!!!!!! She was too cool to be real, so we left her a cool tip! This morning i'm going into work early to get highlights, and theni have ot work form 1-8 yeah blahhh!  But anyways it will be okay... i have to keep saying to myself
"the joy of the Lord is my strength!" This is so i dont go off on people. We have 3 jerk rule, once 3 people irritate you or give you attituded, you need to take 5 min and cool off.  So yeah! I'm gonna try to keep a positive attitude no matter what!
I'm BACK!!!!

Okay so do you ever get sooo frustrated you dotn even wanna talk about it b/c just talking about it makes you so upset and you dont wanna go off or cry your eyes out infornt of people? Well yes, this happens to me...ALOT... and once i breakdown i'm justa blubbering baby and everything seems sad! I just start pouring out all my thoughts and feelign as i cry evne more and i realize how crazy i sound... and i can thelp it. It's just how i feel!!!! So lable me phsycho, cuz i cant change. Like i get upset over one main thing and all the small things come back to me and make me upset and i just add things ot the list to be worried or upset about. I DON'T NEED THIS! Part of it is, i care about others too much and so it hurts me alot. If my mom or dad or brothers are havinga rough day or i know they are going through something, i totaly live through it with them. I take on others feelings, when i need to just chill and let them worry about their own stuff. I need to take care of me and not worry about others soo much. I just hate that i alwasy have long list of things I gotta do, and my day is over when i get home and i gotta get some sleep. So i can wake up early the next morning! For some people working this much is just part of life! For me its just well too overwhelming! I deal with so much drama through the day that i need to learn to let it roll off my back. Everyone says dont worry about it.... But i care too much about what peopel think and how people feel. I seriously want to be everyones friend and make everyoen happy. When i dont do this i feel like a major failure!!!! I dont wanna dump my day on anyone so i stopped callign peopel or venting out on friends. So whati do isi bottle it upa nd end up crying alot at the end of the month! Sometimes i just feel like peopel dont realize how much i'm going through, everyones too busy to give a crap. My Dad hasa stressful day and he is the one who has to hear about my aweful day! This isnt fair! I should be able to talk to friends about this. But i dotn really have any who arnt too busy with their own lives! It seems everyone is just too busy these days. We all need to stop doing half the crap that we do! okay i'm starting to calm down and i'm gettign hungry, so maybe i should eat something!!!
sorry i havnt wrote in a while. i wrote a big long entry earlier this week, but it got deleted some how!???? i was very angry about that and didnt feel like re typing it and i never really had time! It was hilarious though... it was all about a party i went to and how some 18 year old boy tried to hook up with me...and about my day b/f all that. Basicly i didnt get much sleep and i was emo sunday night over something i really dotn need to worry about at the time. anyways is anyone reads this, maybe you could say something nice or encourage me a bit, cuz i'm feeling pretty down on myself.

I havent wrote lately cuz well yesterday was an uneventful day... i just stayed home again cuz i was still sick...and today i went to work, but nothing really exciting or horrible happend. It's kinda crazy cuz we have 75 students on the salon floor now, so we have, about 50 peopel coming in on the hour for appiontments. Thats alot of people working and alot of peopel checking in and out. It's hard to learn peoples names. not just first names, but last also. Especialy last, b/c the computer goes by there last first and thats all i see when i i am booking appiontments and looking at the appiontment book on the comp. Other than That i'm just really tired! I wanna go takea nap, buti have so much work to do. like laundry and cleaning up and just organizing my thoughts and doing all the little thingsi dotn geta chance to do. Like i have to write out and practice my testimony for my missions trip. This isnt hard if the person has like an hour... but to shorten it to 2 mins.. thats tough. soi gotts practice keeping it short but making it affective. I also gotta call some girls from youth group, just to check up on them and see how they are doing. Thats kinda my responsability as a youth leader.

Okay, so i go into work today and within 2 mins i;m feeling sick to my stomache and nauseous.
I figured i just needed to go to the bathroom, but after a much needed time in the bathroom i discovered i was not gettign up or leaving anytime soon! I seriosuly felt likei had been poisoned. I gathered enough stength to go call my mom and then went back intot he bathroom and ( prepare yourslef)
Puked my guts out and took a nap on the bathroom floor! EWWWW! Talk about a dirty bed! But when your body wotn let you sit up and your burning up, the cold tile floor is a comforting place! when your THAT sick, you lose dignity and dont care if soemone finds you there or hears your bathroom experience. So yeah i went home, and made it just in time to puke again... tried to sleep but had to run to the bathroom every few minutes! So i went to the dr. and they took soem blood to check to see if i was having a flare up of mono, or if it was somekinda  gastro pepto kinda thing, i dunno the real word, but its inflamtion of the stomach lining. Certian foods irritate my stomach ina major way, and so my stomach  finally said ENOUGH! I dunno we will see whats going on, i'm just worried about work.
I feel overworked and exsausted and stressed alot of the time. I feel i need a break.

Okay so i was wrong my brother is NOT the only who reads this!
Yesterday was sad, i found out that a girl i work with is leaving...
okay so YES this is the girl i complained about and pretty much hated for the last 2 months....but i feel bad now, we were just starting to be friends!!!! Okay so the place wont reek of Body odor and i wont have anyone being nasty towards me... but she can be cool, and she is good at her job!
I was gonna get hera goodbye gift, but i kinda forgot, well percrastinated, i guess.
I called Jesse yesterday!!!!!! but he called back when i was at work, and then i couldnt get ahold of him the rest of the night!
I had an interesting chat with Matt too! I cant wait for him to come visit! We are gonna do manicures and pedicures and i'm taking him somewhere very cool! Hes gonna crap his pants!~ He needs some relaxation time, cuz he works soo hard andis soo busy he never has tiem for himself, so i'm gonna pamper him like a king!

I dunno why i even bother writing anymore, i dont think anyone really reads this : (