Okay so do you ever get sooo frustrated you dotn even wanna talk about it b/c just talking about it makes you so upset and you dont wanna go off or cry your eyes out infornt of people? Well yes, this happens to me...ALOT... and once i breakdown i'm justa blubbering baby and everything seems sad! I just start pouring out all my thoughts and feelign as i cry evne more and i realize how crazy i sound... and i can thelp it. It's just how i feel!!!! So lable me phsycho, cuz i cant change. Like i get upset over one main thing and all the small things come back to me and make me upset and i just add things ot the list to be worried or upset about. I DON'T NEED THIS! Part of it is, i care about others too much and so it hurts me alot. If my mom or dad or brothers are havinga rough day or i know they are going through something, i totaly live through it with them. I take on others feelings, when i need to just chill and let them worry about their own stuff. I need to take care of me and not worry about others soo much. I just hate that i alwasy have long list of things I gotta do, and my day is over when i get home and i gotta get some sleep. So i can wake up early the next morning! For some people working this much is just part of life! For me its just well too overwhelming! I deal with so much drama through the day that i need to learn to let it roll off my back. Everyone says dont worry about it.... But i care too much about what peopel think and how people feel. I seriously want to be everyones friend and make everyoen happy. When i dont do this i feel like a major failure!!!! I dont wanna dump my day on anyone so i stopped callign peopel or venting out on friends. So whati do isi bottle it upa nd end up crying alot at the end of the month! Sometimes i just feel like peopel dont realize how much i'm going through, everyones too busy to give a crap. My Dad hasa stressful day and he is the one who has to hear about my aweful day! This isnt fair! I should be able to talk to friends about this. But i dotn really have any who arnt too busy with their own lives! It seems everyone is just too busy these days. We all need to stop doing half the crap that we do! okay i'm starting to calm down and i'm gettign hungry, so maybe i should eat something!!!
sorry i havnt wrote in a while. i wrote a big long entry earlier this week, but it got deleted some how!???? i was very angry about that and didnt feel like re typing it and i never really had time! It was hilarious though... it was all about a party i went to and how some 18 year old boy tried to hook up with me...and about my day b/f all that. Basicly i didnt get much sleep and i was emo sunday night over something i really dotn need to worry about at the time. anyways is anyone reads this, maybe you could say something nice or encourage me a bit, cuz i'm feeling pretty down on myself.